Posted in Experiences, quotes, Self love, Writing

Who are you?

So when I was lounging on the couch and life was going on smoothly, all of a sudden, there was mild darkness everywhere and the only thing that was visible to me was my own shadow.
It asked, “Who are you?”
And it just took the shadow three words consisting three alphabets respectively to get me rethink my entire life and existence. I started asking myself, Who Am I? Whether I’m being who I am in real or what the world desires to see me in? But for that, I must know who I am, in real.
Shadow: You’re just a human body that is mortal.
Me: I am alive. Can’t you see?
Shadow: You’re not living, you’re just surviving.
Me: What’s the difference?
Shadow: To survive is a necessity and to live, a sheer luxury.
For all that I’ve ever known, you’re about all those people you’ve met, all the places you’ve been to and all the experiences that you’ve lived.
All that is wrong with you has something to do with the mask that you’re wearing around people , the mechanical life that you’re living by running in a incessant race that has no finish line. For all that I remember, you’re living two lives: the one inside your head and the one outside it. You’re not the decent person you pretend to be around the guy you go on a date with. You’re the person who sits on the couch, wearing printed shorts and a graphic tshirt having popcorn by your side. You’re not a corporate manager who’s a boss’s pet, you’re someone who makes her own decisions. Surrounded by the wilderness, you’ve now become a part of it. For god’s sake, you’re not the make up, the stilettos, the best dressed woman in the room. You’re the child who never forgets to spill something or the other on her tshirt.
You don’t need to do what everyone else does, you don’t need to be special. For it’s ordinary to be special but special to be ordinary. Breathe. Let yourself be who you are.

You will be the best version of yourself only when you can maintain yourself mentally and spiritually at the intersection between a vertical and horizontal line, in a state of perfect balance.  

Currently, you’re surrounded by so many humans around you who underneath their naked bones are trying to be someone else. Why be mediocre when you can be extraordinary by just being ordinary?
What defines you is not how you appear to be or how others perceive you but how you see yourself. The respect for yourself in your own eyes and those of the ones who love you define you. Not the grades, the status or the external appearance. Just the inner beauty of who you are – your kindness and gentleness to deal with the world around you.

Your growing pains now feel so mundane,
You’ve lost yourself while finding your way,
Times have changed and experiences are anew,
People who say you’ve changed, never knew you.

Be * YOU * tiful .

Posted in Experiences, memories, Writing

Forevers and all that.

How long are we going to live – Any guesses ? Some say 80, some say 100 while some say forever.
Alice once asked the Rabbit: How long is forever?
Rabbit: Sometimes just one second.
Forever is composed of nows. It’s not composed of promises that fade with time. We’ve heard of the fairy tales that are supposedly called timeless just because they have been lived timelessly, without fear, with love and honesty.  We promise forever in a world that is so temporary that we don’t even have an idea if we’re gonna come back home safe from school. It sounds scary right?
We’re all running in the  races of life, so fast that we don’t bother to wait for a second or two to understand if the race is worth running. We all want to be mysterious. We don’t want to get hurt or sound desperate and needy and hence we pause for minutes and hours, sometimes even days to respond to mails and calls.
The girl who was sitting next to me in the train replied, “I’ll ttyl mom, I’m busy.” and continued listening to music. Something struck my mind suddenly. What if she didn’t get to see her mum after reaching home, would she still say she’s busy? I’m sure not.
What if you don’t tell the guy you’re head over heels in love with that you love him and suddenly one day you come to know he’s no more? Would  your “no no it sounds desperate” count? I’m sure not. What if he loved you too? We never know who needs us back.
We use digitized emoticons to not sound desperate instead of letters that convey feelings better. We communicate via chats instead of meeting face to face. We fall in love with our computer screens than a inquisitive human being. Yet, we promise forever which is Utopian and non existent. We all know that the final destination of our journey is death. We say vague half statements and expect the other person to understand. What if you send a “whatever” to a close friend sulking because of not meeting you when you wanted to and you realize that you will never be able to meet her? Isn’t “meet me later” better than “Go don’t meet me” ? Life can be really uncertain sometimes.

What if you died in the next minute? Just think if you’ll be satisfied with the kind of life you’ve lived.

There’s nothing more risky than pretending not to care. Sometimes, we miss out on the little things in life and cry when they’re no more available. We don’t know whether we’ll be able to see our parents and friends the next time we go home. Years later, someday we might just go back to an empty house without having them around. When this happens, we usually look at their pictures and say – “Oh dear, I love you. I miss you. Please come back.” but they don’t come back. Gratitude is the right attitude, indeed.

See, we never know when we’re gonna be hit by the bus. So, forgive and forget with the blink of an eye. Also, go right now and reply to all the pending mails, text messages and missed calls and thank your loved ones for being around for, we never know when the bus is coming. It’s your life – live it, without fear, with love and honesty, timelessly.

Posted in Experiences, quotes, Self love, Writing

A letter to my daughter

To help calm my fears, I’ve drafted a letter of a little parental wisdom that I plan to give my daughter when it’s time for her to leave the nest. Here’s how it begins,
Dear baby girl,

Firstly, I’m immensely proud to mother you for you’ll always be special to me no matter what. We’ve all had our share of experiences and it’s time that you have yours. We often wonder  if a daughter is a liability? When a woman gives birth to a female child, she empowers herself. In her daughter, she finds a companion, a friend. She knows that a female is not just a female, she’s a superwoman. She’s a mother, a sister and a wife. There are some lessons that I’ve learnt and am perhaps, still learning, I’d be happy if you look up to them.
Always prefer an in-conversation 
I’m sure texting is much more convenient that an incessant process of asking a friend to meet somewhere but tell me something, would you rather have a chocolate described to you with the help of emoticons or rather have it in real? NO, seriously.
Worship your body
I’m sure you’d wish to date a hot guy with some nice abs or at least someone good looking. He’d be wishing to meet exactly the same kind of girl. If you’re wishing to find a hot soulmate, try to be of his type as well. Try to get in shape. God has given a magic touch to each person’s body. Worship it. Don’t starve to impress men. Eat in proper intervals but appreciate your body. That’s the only way to be in shape.
Belief in feminism is must
Feminism is cliched these days. Most women today need to google their facts on feminism. It is a belief that women are equal to men. But it doesn’t mean that you hate men. Not all men are criminals, just like every woman isn’t a saint. Don’t demand privileges just because you’re a woman.

You’re beautiful 
At times, our inner thoughts and people around us raise self doubts which erupt our minds. We question our beauty in the presence of beautiful people around. The hair that caresses your face while the wind
blows, the face you make when you see flowers – they make you beautiful.
Your in-laws are your extended family
If you get married, your spouse’s family becomes your extended family. You might disagree to their point of views sometimes. Even if you don’t like them, I expect you to behave civil and courteously. Don’t offend but always defend yourself if the need arises.
Marriage is a choice; not a necessity 
You may or may not marry someone. It’s okay. Single-hood is no more a taboo. Marriage and babies won’t make you complete. Although, they do add up to happiness. Your independence, work and education will make you feel confidently whole. Producing children isn’t what every woman desires. It’s okay. Let it be the way it is.
Broken crayons still color 
There will times when you will go through emotional turmoil and heart breaks. Live strong. You may go through a lot of rejections, times of despairs and god’s tests. You may fall but always remember. Fall seven times, rise up, eight. Sometimes, it’s good to be broken, that’s how light gets in, making you stronger than you were yesterday. It’s okay. Don’t lose hope.

Women today are smooth sailing today, but I want you to conquer the world. I hope this helps you in times of despair and give you strength to be a warrior that you already are, by just being a daughter. You’re strong and shall always be. No country can deny that. Nobody ever will.


Posted in Experiences, memories, Writing

How it feels to be 18


So, when someone peculiarly asked me, “How old do you feel?” .
I felt that it varies. Mentally, I feel between 11 and 18. It’s a bit scary, because there’s always the risk that I might be found out. Someone might realize that I’m not a proper grown up and misinterpret me  as childish for all that I do with sheer maturity.
Physically, it varies too. If I’m well and the sun’s shining, then I feel 16 while I feel 23 otherwise.
I doubt many people over 40 feel as old as they look. For most of us, the face in the mirror is the painting in the attic. When I haven’t been in front of my reflection for a while, I forget what my age looks like. The face I imagine I’m peering out from behind is few years younger than the one I catch sight of when my computer screen suddenly goes dark.
So, before my 18th birthday, one of my friends told me, “Damn, you’re gonna be 18 now. I’m yet to be.” I was amazed to  this statement and asked her,” Why is it special to be 18? Age is just a number!” She said,” You’ll realize that soon when everyone will wish you happy birthday and gift you presents. The morning will have make you travel farther than the horizon, the sun will shine slightly more bright and life will be anew.  You will feel free, like all the existing barriers have been removed away. You will no more have to convince your parents for going on road trips with friends.”
(Months later, on my 18th birthday)
As I woke up, everything was the same. My parents and friends wished me in a similar way except that they were more excited about my birthday than I was and that they brought me really amazing presents. Otherwise, the sun shone in the same manner it did the previous day. Neither did I travel farther than the horizons nor did I feel free but the most unsure I had ever been of myself. The 18th year of my being began with wishes which were uncertainly followed by questions related to my career choices, religious beliefs, marriage choices and etc. (End of thinking capacity, no really.) I felt  of my own appearance, accent, skills and every piece of my being. It hurt.  I felt really betrayed as I didn’t feel a single emotion that people claimed that I will experience when I turn 18.
Initially, when I was small. Not that I’m old now. Just. Often, when I argued on something with people older to me, my perspective was looked down upon and I was told to speak up when I turn an adult, (that is turn 18) but now that I’ve turned 18, things are still the same. I have aged in some portions of my being however I still love candies. My perspectives have surely altered but they still consist of most decisions taken by the heart and the instincts. Though, I’ve realized one thing as I’ve grown up (a bit yeah, not much.) , “Life isn’t going to give you anything for free anymore. Life isn’t going to hold your hand either.” 

However, the feeling of turning 18 continues to remain abstract. 
But tell me, How old do you feel?